Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
nutella sex= disaster
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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