im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
