I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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