I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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