No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
