i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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