either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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