If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
