I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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