I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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