I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
