So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
