sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
