If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
