I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
