I can tuck mytits in my pants
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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