i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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