you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
