I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
