i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
