no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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