I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
