Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
