dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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