Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize