i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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