who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I need to calm my uterus...
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
