I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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