it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
