I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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