puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
