My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Also, beer. Big fan.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
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