It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
