I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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