the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Randomize
