and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
