My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
