she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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