How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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