All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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