why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
