I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
