a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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