eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
