its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
