he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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