I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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