I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
