theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
My penis needs a shock collar
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
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