Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
