That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Randomize
