you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
