dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
