nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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