I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
