God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
