I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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