nut hugger
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
