Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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