I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
