Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
