hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I have aggressive nipples.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize