dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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