i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Randomize
