So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
