Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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