i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize