Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
