And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
