told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
