i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
