Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
