meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
